If you follow me on Twitter, you might have seen me procrastinating by tweeting about my editing woes. Yep, I’m still editing that same stubborn fantasy book. It’s a long, heart breaking process filled with many tears, red pens, and oceans of tea. And, if you’re me, it takes FOREVER. So, while I’m still wallowing in the misery of edits, I thought I’d share what my editing process actually looks like. It is, of course, the most amazing thing you have ever seen.
Me: This first chapter stinks. But we knew that coming it. The main plot’s solid now, so I can concentrate on the start this time. No stressing—Oh my biscuits, this bit’s AWFUL. Calm. Calm. Don’t look at those ten pages…Where is YouTube when I need it? Positive thoughts Imogen. It gets way better than this.
Me: …When does it get good? I’ve been waiting 73 pages. I swear I’ve got more notes on what’s wrong than there are words in this whole book. The middle’s so much better though. Chin up.
Me: LIES. It’s all LIES. I did not write this book. Some third grader took my perfectly good book and rewrote it.
Me: …First graders write better than me. This calls for tea and chocolate. And thirteen hours on YouTube. This book is going to look so much better when I’m done with it. Later.
Me: *head desk* How many more pages are there to go?
Me: Wait, is that the last ten pages? Pfft, I got this. Stand back.
Me: Thank cake that’s over. See, it wasn’t nearly as bad Ok, so this won’t take too long to fix, right? We’ll be on to the next book in no time.
Me: *head desk* I’m never going to get this book right. There are 3,908,873 pages of things I need to fix. Kill me now…
Me: If I can’t read the notes, I totally don’t have to fix them. Engage medical handwriting. Ha, I’ve got you now edits!
Me: Wait, what are you even doing in this book Minor Character? I thought you left three drafts ago?
Secondary Character: But I’m so adorable! Remember that one gorgeous line I have on page 37? I’m totally worth keeping.
Me: THIS PLOT HOLE IS SO BIG I COULD DRIVE A TRUCK CONVOY THROUGH IT. AND THAT ONE. ANOTHER? THEY’RE MULIPLYING!
Me: …Kill me…
Me: Right, where’s that list of editing issues? Let’s do the thing! Charge!
Me: Uh, was the list always that long?
Me: I totally need to rewrite all these illegible notes and organise them by type, alphanumeric order, and ascending spiral of importance. It’ll only take 39 months. Totally worth it.
Me: More tea! And a Dragon. I have me a pile of rubbish to burn. It’s not like it’s going anywhere anyway. Don’t look at me like that book. It’s your own fault you’re terrible.
Me: I don’t wanna dooooooooooo this. You can’t make me!
Twitter: You can do it! We believe in you!
Book: Ha! Oh that feels good. I feel pounds lighter. Don’t stop. This is the best thing that happened since you lost that subplot about goats. Not one of your brightest ideas, mind.
MC: Wait, what did you call me? You called me Kat? How dare y—Actually, that’s not bad. It kinda suits me. I’m still mad at you though.
Me: *concentrating face*
Family: Uh, we haven’t see you in about three weeks. Do you think you should come out and see the sun occasionally? One can’t live on tea and chocolate forever.
Me: Says you. *consumes tea and chocolate*
Me: *blank stare*
Me: …I’m….done. I’m done? I’M DONE! BOOYAH! TAKE THAT BOOK! Wait, what day is it again?
Me: *celebratory victory dance*
Me: *celebratory dance into faceplant*
Me: Bring out all the cake! I am the king of editing!
Me: *collapses* I am never writing again.
Me: Oh look. Shiny new idea!
New Idea: Hi there, I’m a super complicated book with nineteen points of view, a love pentagon, an adventure across six dimensions, a mutant fire breathing chicken, and ninjas from Pluto. It’s going to need eleventy two years to write and five lifetimes to edit. Come on, doesn’t that sound awesome?
Me: GIVE ME ALL THE IDEAS! I LOVE WRITING!
That’s my editing process. What does yours look like? Where are you in the writing process at the moment? Tell me about your latest project!